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Nov. 2nd, 2010 @ 06:57 am I see you...
Tags:
 
I walk around this empty room
full of things my minds consumed
but once these things have been consumed
they will no longer fill the room
but have I noticed every peice?
Have I noticed those who peek?
Holes in walls with pressing cheeks
watch a sinner as he sweeps
nonexistant dust from corners
in this round room full of scorners
round and round and round he roams
shedding weight beneath the bone...
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Oct. 29th, 2010 @ 04:13 am just breathe.
return of the frequencies....always kinda figured they would return occasionally...  but i didnt want to completely believe it because the first time it hadnt happened... and didnt ever really know the direct relationship between the two. worms. frequencies. are they separate entities or a doppelganger of sorts? two parts of a whole? then why do we need both? or different visual manifestations of the same exact thing.  a route of travel maybe.

it's painful...described it before as the hardest thing i've ever had to endure but I say it hurt more this time....but i know that's only because it's been so long. truth is, the body hasn't had to take blows like that for so long it grew soft... i'm always AFRAID of it coming back,  but truthfully....it had been a while.  of course its not paranoia if theyre really after you and its not paranoia when all your fears come true. 
ive gone soft, or i just have too much to lose, now.

ive never allowed myself to go soft before...what have i done...does that mean i actually believed that i might be past these torturous occurrences? seems like that wold be a very dangerous, if not fatally careless assumption to make considering how many times these bastards have pulled this trick out of their sleeves before...

& I'd love to tell my self, "well, were not gonna do that again", but i know as well as they do that of course  i'm going to be blinded by the allure of that idea again.  telling myself i'm fine. working towards a future while ignoring the fact that the past can suck me back in whenever it gets an itch to do so.

and knowing that i have absolutely no control over my surrounding environment, or the people who aimlessly, self absorbed as me and anyone else, contradict any and all statements they use to convince me of this unique and awesome relationships purity.

right buddy...youre JUST as unique as the next person who tries to make me believe that as long as i know him or her that they will never turn on me. That no matter what life comes up with out of thin air that provides you with a bigger cut of whatever that you will never think of yourself first ... turn the motherfuckin' tables.

theyre trying to pull the wool over the eyes of a man who can see through sheep. ...I'm not mad at him. I'm mad at the ones he wakes up

so i shift uneasily in my chair....all too aware of the motivations of everybody in the house with me and everyone not, and the air thick with frequencys closing in, and stifling and its all so damn fuckin' claustrophobic that i want to leave again but i have stupid responsibilities to the life i'm trying to have - that future bound to fail- which has never been enough of a reason for me to have to stay before so why make believe, NOW?   i think to myself about how long it's been since i've gotten a good night sleep. 3 and a half week's almost now....3 and a half weeks of in and out sleep from bein sick, waking up to disembodied pokes and prods from the inbetween.

all i want is that note to work out the way i see it in the dream i was lucidly contemplating this in at the time.

why did i wake up to dead children with frequencies in their heads and worms in their eyeballs?.....

why did i slice-and-dice myself...

why did they have to push themselves into a "bad morning" that already was


-Fish
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Dec. 1st, 2009 @ 04:29 am (no subject)
.....why cant i ever just sleep through the night?
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Nov. 10th, 2009 @ 01:28 pm (no subject)
theres no reason for me anymore.
About this Entry
Oct. 2nd, 2009 @ 11:38 am (no subject)
a wise old owl lived in an oak/ the more he saw the less he spoke/ he less he spoke the more he heard. why can't we all be like this wise old bird?


i leave you with that.


/fish
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Sep. 28th, 2009 @ 06:21 pm (no subject)
im better off on my own. i cant fake it any more.
About this Entry
Aug. 17th, 2009 @ 10:28 pm (no subject)
i fucking hate methadone.
About this Entry
Aug. 17th, 2009 @ 04:16 pm (no subject)
do you ever look at your life....
and wonder where the fuck half of it went?

....because seriously... where the fuck am i?
About this Entry
Jul. 4th, 2009 @ 12:47 pm We;re comin' out of our shells!!!!
Current Music: teenage mutant ninja turtles - pizza power
please tell me i'm not the only one lame enough to remember this...







....even though i'm sure , even if i'm not the only one lame enough to remember it, that i'm still the only one lame enough to have rewatched the whole thing. not just these two videos... i mean.. the whole concert. i used to have it on tape, complete with 'behind the scenes' footage and whatnot. god the 90s were bad. and yet so good.


pizza power can be delivered to your door. remember that.
/fish
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Jun. 18th, 2009 @ 02:40 pm (no subject)
we had a grease fire in the oven last night.

funniest. shit. ever.

i mean... after we put out the flames, that is...

end of story.
About this Entry
Apr. 28th, 2009 @ 04:31 pm even as i left florida (far enough... far enough wasn't far enough)
Although we often wondered
It was no thing of wonder
The shit that flew from our minds
While wearing stains of fresh fruit
And riding on shoes of horse glue
On this ridiculous climb
With great tunnel vision
We built ourselves a mission
To ride our motives design
Oh, what a vague description
Of what we have been missing
So why would anyone try?

It was always worth it
That's the part I seem to hide
And the busy ant empire
Put up the closing sign

I wasn't always cargo
I was once kind of my own
I guess I'll pack up my mind
It took so much effort
Not to make an effort
Oh, what a flawless design

It was always worth it
That's the part I seem to hide
And the busy ant empire
Put up the closing sign

Even as I left Florida

It was always worth it
That's the part I seem to hide
And the busy ant empire
Was always a beehive
It was always worth it
That's the part I seem to hide

Even as I left Florida
Far enough, far enough
Wasn't far enough
Couldn't quite seem to escape myself
Far enough, far enough
Far from Florida
We were all drowsing in cruise control
Far enough, far enough
Wasn't far enough

I stood on my heart's porch thinking
"Oh my God, I'll probably have to carry this whole load"
I couldn't remember if I tried
I couldn't remember if I took my brain out
Threw it so directly at the goal
I couldn't remember if I
I could have my mind erased
And still not know exactly what I don't already know

Even as I left Florida
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Feb. 5th, 2009 @ 10:07 am you may be a victim of software counterfieiting ;D
Haha.

i love how windows always comes up with this pop-up at the bottom of my screen that says
"YOU MAY BE A VICTIM OF SOFTWARE COUNTERFEITING/ this copy of windows did not pass genuine windows validation; Click here to learn how to correct this problem" ... and when you click it it tries to list you all the reasons why you should pay them $249 dollars, lol.

::cracks up:: No, WINxp, actually, YOOOOUUUUUU may be a victim of software counterfieting...

i, on the other hand, am not a victim; i am quite happy with my bootlegged copy and getting my operating system for free. and i have no interest in paying you 249 dollars. thanks for the concern though ;D

/fishy
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Jan. 8th, 2009 @ 06:24 pm Heroin and Schizophrenia: Subjective Responses to Abused Drugs in Dually Diagnosed Patients
Heroin and Schizophrenia: Subjective Responses to Abused Drugs in Dually Diagnosed Patients
Miotto, Paola MD; Preti, Antonio MD; Frezza, Michela PhD
1Alcohol and Drug Abuse Unit; Conegliano, Italy
2Genneruxi Medical Center; I-09129 Cagliari, Italy
Editors

The prevalence of substance abuse among patients with mental disorders is high. In particular, patients with diagnosed schizophrenia frequently report a history of abuse of cannabinoids and hallucinogenic drugs, often starting in the period preceding the onset of psychosis. According to clinical surveys, between 50% and 90% of patients with schizophrenia are regular cigarette smokers during the active (productive) phase of their disorder. Patients often report that smoking helps them to obtain relief from the unwanted effects of neuroleptic medications, such as sedation and drowsiness. Approximately 8% to 10% of patients with schizophrenia also abuse alcohol. A lower number of patients use psycho-stimulants such as cocaine and amphetamines. Even fewer patients with schizophrenia abuse opiates, because the level of social functioning necessary to carry out life as a heroin addict is often higher than that which a patient with schizophrenia is able to maintain.

In a consecutive series of 135 patients addicted to heroin who were registered at the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Unit in Conegliano (Italy) from October 1997 to October 1998 for evaluation with a view to diagnosis and treatment, we found 5 patients (4 men, 1 woman) with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, which was made according to DSM-IV criteria on the basis of clinical history (including hospital admissions to psychiatric services) and a detailed interview to establish the presence of schizophrenic symptoms, whether "positive" (delusions; hallucinations; first-rank symptoms, so-called schneiderian experiences) or "negative" (apathy, avolition, anhedonia, affective flattening, autistic withdrawal).

The average age of the patients with psychosis was 31 years (range, 20-37), which was close to that of the total sample of addicts, whose average age was 30 years (range, 21-48). As for the non-psychotic heroin addicts, for the 5 schizophrenic heroin addicts, the onset of substance abuse was during adolescence (age 13-17 years), generally marked by escalation from legal substances (alcohol and cigarettes) to cannabis and then to heroin (at approximately 18 years of age). In all but one patient, the onset of the psychotic symptoms coincided with the onset of illegal substance abuse and preceded the onset of long-term (10 years, on average) heroin abuse. In two of five patients, there was a family link for schizophrenia (mother and brother in one case; brother in the second case). Of the patients, the only female in the group lived alone, separated from her husband, in occasional employment; all male patients lived with their parents, had no stable affective relations, and were unemployed at the time of the study.

The symptom profile for all patients included "positive" symptoms (such as delusions, principally with persecutory themes; auditory hallucinations; in three cases, schneiderian experiences: telepathy and sensations of being influenced) and "negative" symptoms (apathy; anhedonia; social isolation, even to the point of autistic withdrawal) were also present. All patients but one were in contact with psychiatric services: two were receiving neuroleptic treatment; two had previously had neuroleptic treatment, but with poor results; one had never taken antipsychotic medication.

Contrary to the behavior of the majority of heroin addicts in the sample, the schizophrenic patients ceased (or greatly limited) their use of cannabis and hallucinogenic drugs as a result of unwanted effects (including the worsening of psychotic symptoms). One patient admitted to alcohol and benzodiazepine abuse, both of which produced a "calming" effect on psychotic symptoms. All patients maintained occasional or frequent use of heroin for its euphorigenic effects. Heroin also seemed to significantly improve negative symptoms of the disorder (apathy, anhedonia, autistic withdrawal). The two patients who accepted long-term methadone treatment also reported an improvement in negative symptoms after receiving therapeutic dosages (50-80 mg/day) of the drug. In one case, higher methadone doses (100 mg/day) than usual seemed able to control the recrudescence of psychotic symptomatology during a sudden breakdown. Two schizophrenic patients also referred to the improvement of positive symptoms (ideas of reference, auditory hallucinations) after heroin use, an improvement which they also observed after neuroleptic treatment, but with a concurrent worsening of negative symptoms.

One cannot rule out that the secondary gain of obtaining acknowledgment for addictive behavior might have encouraged some of the five patients with schizophrenia to attribute greater therapeutic properties to heroin than those really experienced. The recognition of an impairing effect produced by cannabinoids and psychostimulants in these patients, however, contrasts with the persistent abuse observed in many other patients from the same series who tend to maintain the abuse of cannabinoids and other substances. It suggests that the five patients with schizophrenia studied were able to distinguish the effects of heroin and methadone on their symptomatology from the generic "high" effect obtainable with other substances.

It is hard to extrapolate more general indications from such a limited sample. This study is retrospective, is based on self-reported data, and does not have a formal control group. However, other studies have reported a positive effect of opioidergic agonists on psychotic symptomatology in patients with schizophrenia, whereas preparations containing opioids, such as laudanum, have been used in the past with some success in the treatment of psychoses.

We believe that the role of methadone as an antipsychotic drug needs to be studied further; a better under-standing of the actions of opiates in schizophrenia might lead to etiologic indications, the scope of which could well extend beyond the therapeutic usefulness of opiates for dually diagnosed patients. Heroin and related opioid substances, indeed, produce specific effects on the dopaminergic pathways that are believed to be involved in the pathogenesis of schizophrenic symptomatology.14, 15 In particular, opiates activate dopaminergic neurons in the mesolimbic circuits (accumbens).16 Such an increase in the activity of mesolimbic dopaminergic neurons is not associated with a concurrent increase in cortical dopaminergic neurons with frontocortical dopaminergic pathways apparently being less sensitive to the actions of opiates.18

We speculate that the improvement in negative symptoms reported by our five patients with schizophrenia after heroin use indicates a key role for a dopaminergic deficit in the mesolimbic area in the production of negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Mesolimbic and frontocortical dopaminergic pathways have specific and different roles in behavior control. Some studies indicate that dopamine activity in the prefrontal area may exert an inhibitory effect on subcortical dopaminergic functions. Recent studies on monkeys have shown that hyperfunction of frontocortical dopamine projection is linked to a cognitive deficit of a type likely to be similar to that observed in patients with schizophrenia. Our observations (and those of others) of patients with schizophrenia suggest that opioidergic agonists could partially correct an imbalance between hyperfunctioning frontocortical dopaminergic pathways (producing cognitive symptoms that include thought disorders) and hypofunctioning dopaminergic mesolimbic projections (producing part of the negative symptoms).



fishy
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Oct. 4th, 2008 @ 04:44 am PHOTOPOST (b): Robin and Bella duel over a scrap of wood
i love how german shepherds play-fight. robin could never do this before because most dogs he ends up playing with are too much smaller than he is.

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dueling dogs

robin and bella- the scrap-of-wood wars!Collapse )


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iz gun' be OK, buddy. everything gunna be ok.


/fishy
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Sep. 2nd, 2008 @ 04:30 pm VIDEO-post: robin and bella



bella taunts robin, who goes to great lengths to protect his frisbee.


/fishy
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Jul. 20th, 2008 @ 02:51 am VIDEOPOST: robin the wonder dog!
i'm constantly bragging about my white shepherd robin and how wonderful he is, so now you all get to see him in action. putting robin through his 'routine'. his personal little 3-ring circus act if you will. it certainly is a spectacle to watch such a beautiful, intelligent, AND sweet little animal.

he gives kisses.

AND he prances.

watch it.

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Jun. 16th, 2008 @ 09:06 am Robin Pic Post #1
Current Music: saxomaphone
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my giant goof-ball puppy. we call him a polar bear.



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you will notice throughout the course of this post that my dog is virtually OBSESSED with FRISBEE. any frisbee. any color. if its circular and looks like a flying pancake- he will play with it for hours on end, bringing it back and shoving it in your face and will not stop unless and until you take the damn thing away and put it on top of the refridgerator. then, and even then, he may go out in the yard and dig up another one and come trotting back with it and then you start all over.

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running, jumping, catching it in his mouth

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proud puppy ;D

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anthony puppy-playing with my dog. anthony is like robins big brother- they're good friends and he tags along after him and its adorable.

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doing the perfect 'german shepherd stance' thing as anthony plays geetar in the background.

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anthony on guitar

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robin, anthony, and noelle...chillin'

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ant and robin chillaxin


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ha ha ha you'll never take me alive!

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chillin on the grass.... with his frisbee under his paw. dont take that look for relaxation- he's ready and rarin' to go if anyone takes a step towards him and he thinks you're after the dreaded frisbee of doom.

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now, watch as random people try to finagle the Frisbee from my dogs mouth:

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nice tactic... not going to work.

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come play with me!

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noelle tries to get the frizbee, take 2.

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robin is clearly winning

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noelle gives up

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and robin settles down happily under the table with his frisbee

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robin standing all proud of himself with his frisbee between his toes

/fish
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Jun. 6th, 2008 @ 03:12 am robin's baby pictures!
Current Location: my room
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at my grandma's farms - watching the chickens. (one of which is now my chicken- aristotle) he doesnt try to get them or hurt them- he just likes to sit or lay down and watch them.


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chewing on his toy basket. when he was a little baby we had a basket for all his toys and we taught him the names of all his toys and we'd put them all in the basket and tell him which one to get and he'd go get it. and when we were done playing we'd say "robin, put your toys away" and he'd put them away one by one. he was a crazy-smart dog even since puppyhood. we havent done that in a while though- because at some point he ate his basket so now his toys are mostly scattered around my bedroom and the rest of the house.

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he's such a little romancer.. (with the flower in his mouth.)

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my mom making him 'sit' @ 12 wks old

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giving grammy his paw

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oh the cute! german sheps. have to chew and use their jaw muscle alot when they're young in order to get their ears to stand up tall. hence why shepherds are usually very bitey puppys and are known for leaving a path of destruction when thy're little. (though robin was strangely good about this and left very little damage in regards to things that werent his- he would kill and tear apart his own toys adn things, but most of our stuff was left intact). but both of robins ears went up and then one flopped back down. so for a while he looked like a total goofball and i couldnt look at him without giggling.

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we gave him my old giant neft frisbee cause it was half broken- and he proceeeded to make it fully broken.

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when we were left with the ring i took it and was trying to make him jump through hoops like a circus dog but he wouldnt do it. then he went and sat inside the circle.

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making him sit for his ball

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giving paw for his ball - such an awkward little boy

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retrieving his tennis ball

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robin says "yummy! dirt!"

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lounging in a hole

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robin wobbling over to the camera. he was so clumsy on his feet back then. he was always wobbling around and tipping over.

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playing peek-a-boo!

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my friend mike (anthonys cousin/ gay, head-givin' mike) making a very tiny 10wk old robin sit. we basically had everyone he came in contact with enforce his training so that he would be well socialized and used to listening to a variety of people

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he looks possessed by his tennis ball


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my dog has been eating raw meat from the time he was weaned from his mother. he'll chew up that whole bone and all -so theres not a scrap or crumb left.

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i love watching my dog eat. its like watching the discovery/national geographic channel.

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*CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!*
and i raised his such that i handfeed him his food so even nowadays i would be able to reach my hand in his mouth and take that whole raw meat-bone out of his mouth WHILE hes eating.

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my lanky little teenager, about 5 months or so

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bringing me a bucket as we were carrying gravel back and forth during one of our NH stays.

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tied to a tree, chilling on the lawn in NH

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growing up to be a big beautiful boy

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this is what he looks like when he goes into 'protective mode'. he does his 'roo-ruh roo rooooo!" bark and we had to hold him back from chasing one of the neighbors out of the yard

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pee-peeing behind the lamppost. FUNNIEST PICTURE EVER!
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Jun. 6th, 2008 @ 01:27 am (no subject)
Current Location: my room
robin is awefully whiney tonight. i dont understand whats wrong with him. he's usually very calm and quiet but i had him out in his kennel tonight because Alaskan Rob's girlfriend kicked him out, so he's staying here but he's horribly afraid of big dogs. so robin was out in his kennel but of course he's too smart for his own good and knows how to flip the latch- so he flipped the latch and ten minutes later he was at my front slider door. of course he didnt bother with the back heavy-door. he went all the way around the house to my front slider so that i'd be sure to see him and his cuteness and say "alright, fiiiiine, robin, come on in you goofball." so i let him in and he came and sat on my feet and was licking my toes and making these whimpery sounds then he's get up and pace around in a circle doing that high-pitched whine of his and then sit back down on my feet whimpery-licking my toes again. strange. the worms are in full force tonight though so im figureing maybe he's just trying to protect me.

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(robin at around 14 wks. on the couch-bed)

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(robin at around 5 mo. old on the couch-bed)

i folded down out the pullout couch-bed and let robin up on it and just gave him a huge lamb-leg bone to chew on. he loves my pullout- when he was a little puppy we used to cuddle on it so i think its very familiar to him. its the only place where i can leave him and he'll stay put and wont try to follow me. probably because mine and his scent are already so much ingrained in the futon and he associates it with all the puppy love cuddles. its only across the room but at least he's not right under my feet scaring the shit out of Rob.
poor alaskan rob. i wish the first time he met robin wasnt with him acting so weird cause i'm trying to show rob not to be afraid of big dogs. in a little while once robin settles down (he's alraedy chomping away on his bone and seems a lot better) im going to call him over and make him give Rob kisses and show him how sweet a dog he (and other big dogs) can be.

i dont know why i bothered putting him in the kennel. he never stays in it. its funny how true it is about service dogs and the way that you raise them- its like a codependent relationship. he's just as uncomfortable without me as i am without him. i want- need- to always have him around because he is like a grounding force. i know he's real. in those moments where im not sure what is or isnt- in those horrible uncomfortable panic-stricken moments- he'll push his nose into my side or put his head in my lap and remind me that .. it doesnt matter. and he'll just make me feel better by existing. and i do the same thing for him. he hates to be alone and he never had been- he's ALWAYS with me- just about every minute of every day and as such since the day i brought him home. so for him to be left alone he gets very uncomfortable and wants to be right under my feet all the time. if i leave him alone anywhere he WILL find a way to escape and i'll find him in my bed or at my back door or he'll have climbed through an open window and i'll find him in a room of my house that the door was shut so he got into the house but couldnt get out of the room. its great to be loved THAT much by your dog. ;D

nostalgic puppy love - (robin as a puppy)Collapse )

i'm about the go make another whole post full of the rest of robin's baby-pictures because he was (and still is) so fucking adorable. but last year he was FUZZY and adorable.. which is 10x better.

/fishy
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May. 29th, 2008 @ 09:35 am (no subject)
at this point in my life i figure pretty much anything i say or do is taken out of context because my life and the situations that surround me is pretty much ALL withtin a certain context that nobody else has ever expereinced.

that goes for a lot of people actually, the simple truth of it is that a lot of people just dont realize it as they get caught up in "biased" reality. a reality of facts and concrete truth when everything is most certainly flimsy and whimsical.


they creeate a law adn we all drop down a level to fall under it in a straight line.

the fight for equality is an unfortunate one and taking some pretty heavy casualties.

i suppose my dissent into madness could be compared to "fleeing the country" or some other ridiculous metaphor but really there is no madness involved. its a perfectly sane, healthy, enlightenment of though.

you guys are the mad ones. all of you.

/fish
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May. 25th, 2008 @ 04:36 am i get to cuddle with TWO german shepherds ! :D.
i need to name the new puppy

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any suggestions of names for a female black/brown german shepherd pup (shes about 8 or 9 weeks old currently) would be appreciated.

what happened was i came back to stuart to crash at marks because i heard rumors of my family trying to serve me a 302- so the other day i'm at marks and he and i were walking around stuart and on our way back- right in the alley behind confusion corner (like, around where the lyric theatre, natures way, osceola, etc) are we found a stray mom-shepherd and 4 puppy's huddled up in the corner. the mom was on edge and it took a lot of food and coaxing to get near her but we stayed with her for a while kinda inching our way closer and giving her food and she finally warmed up a little bit- enough to get a good look at her and she was in rough shape. we think she had been either beaten severely or hit by a car. she couldn't move very well and the pups were just there whimpering and climbing all over her and tearing up the trashbags of the local businessness around the other side of the building.

so long story short, after we were able to get NEAR the damn dog, we tied a string/twine rope around the puppy's necks and i picked up the mom and we switched off walking the pups and carrying the injured mom down to the humane society which LUCKILY isnt too far from confusion/dts. the people at the humane society said they were about 8wks old and should be weaned by now anyway, so they were probably going to put the pups in foster familys and try to tend to the mom (who was in rough shape physically and mentally) and see how it goes. (mark and i are going to go back and check up on her and make sure she's okay) but we decided to take one of the pups home and i'm not sure if we're going to keep her or just foster her yet.

i was worried at first because Robin who has never seen a puppy not counting when he was one himself was kinda freaking out at first- barking his head off and he started to chase the little one and kinda crinkled his nose and showed his teeth to her and i had to separate them. i think he was pretty much just confused as fuck and didnt even know it was another dog as puppys have no scent- so he was just like "what is this strange animal my daddy keeps cuddling that isnt me?!" ... but just as i was getting to the point of thinking it wasnt going to work out and i'd have to find someone else to take care of the baby-puppy i let Robin back out and told him to calm down and whatnot and gave him lots of love and play so he wouldnt get jealous and he was all happy and sweet. he's a true german shepherd in that even though he is real submissive to me, he also knows that he wants to be "alpha dog" and he is deserving of the utmost attention and he gets really upset if thats not how things seem to be going. he does the same thing with the cat. he doesnt try to hurt the cats, but when i pet them he gets all upset and runs at me barking and pushes himself in-between me and the kitty so he's the only one getting attention.

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my dog is an attention-whore.

but after that episode he sniffed her up and down for over an hour and was fine and now she's like his little baby sister. he brings her his toys and drops them at her feet and lets her play with them... he doesnt even let ME play with his frisbee - i have to fight him for it- and little baby-puppy is over there chewing and slobbering all over it and he doesnt care. and he was doing the wolf thing where when i gave him his breakfast this morning - he eats raw meat and he ate the majority of it and left her a little piece but he chewed up the bones so they were soft and then dropped it in front of her and watched while she ate it. its the sweetest goddamn thing ever to watch these two -- the giant white shepherd with the tiny little brown-black one.

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and Robin is actually INCREDIBLY tolerant of her because now she's the one starting all the scuffles. Robin wasnt like that when he was a pup, he was real mellow (which is the only thing that kinda worries me as i can already tell this pup is going to be a real firecracker of a dog when she grows up-) shes jumping on Robin's back- climbing on his face and chewing on his ears, hanging onto his back by her teeth and tearing out tufts of his fur... and Robin of course being the mellow little sweetheart that he is doesnt even do a damn thing about it he just tilts his head (her being on top of his head) or shifts his weight and lets her roll off of him or gently pushes her over with his paw and then she rolls over on her back in submissive gesture like "okay fine, youre bigger, please dont hurt me" and Robin sits down and she hops up and goes back to attacking his face.

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/fish
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May. 23rd, 2008 @ 07:35 pm new puppy!?
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robin has a new baby sister.

ill explain later.
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May. 7th, 2008 @ 11:24 pm (no subject)
dear fish
stop being such a social dipshit and/or asshole and get your act together.
you're running out of people willing to tolerate your bullshit.

seriously.

enough.


sincerely
yourself.



in other news: its really fucking hot in africa.


/fish
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Apr. 13th, 2008 @ 02:09 am Robin the wonder puppy!
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a very cute sleepy robin.

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love me.

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my beautiful boyfriend nothing got a cute little pocket beagle puppy that he named Loki. personally i love animals and beagles especially i've always had an affinity for so i'm really happy for him. if i hadnt gotten Robin, my german shepherd, i probably would have gone with a beagle as they're such adorable, well mannered little dogs. but my purpose in getting a dog was, not much unlike Nothing, for the purpose of having a service dog. back when i had schism, my cocker spaniel mix who was killed, we were talking about getting a service dog certification for him but we werent sure that we would be able to because Schism was way too much of an overprotective little animal. which you'd think would be good in a service dog, but if someone was around and he was there he wouldnt let them go near me, you couldnt pet him if he was around me, etc. he was just way obsessed with me.
i miss Schism alot... he was a great dog and i loved him but to have him as a dog that would be with me all the time wouldnt have worked out. weird little blessing-in-disguises i guess, however unfortunate it may be. so id always been fond of beagles but i knew when i was going to get a new dog that we would be doing the service dog thing and really i know very little about the beagles as far as their trainability and whatnot, so we went with the german shepherd. which was also a familiarity thing. when i was little we had a beautiful white shepherd named Taylor and then of course my girl Moxy who was Taylors daughter and those were my first two experiences with dogs, they were both amazingly beautiful sweet animals and i guess now having a White shepherd Robin as a therapy dog its like... very comfortable and familiar as well as knowing how to train them and that shepherds are VERY smart dogs.
so looking at all the pictures of Nothing's cute little beaglet made me jealous, but also very thankful and proud of my own little service dog Robin.
he has a whole little repertoire of 'tricks' and things he does that pretty much make him one of the most amazing animals ever. he "touches" which is like a little circus trick where you point somewhere and he goes and nudges wherever you're pointing with his nose, he gives big cute little puppy kisses on command, stands up on his back paws like a little bunnyrabbit and kisses, wakes me up by pulling my blankets off of me if i sleep past a specific time cause its not healthy for me to sleep all day which i would do if he let me, lol... and theres some other stuff as well as the basic sit/down/stay/come/etc. he's one of the most well-trained dogs ive had as well and i did pretty much all of the training myself apart from his p.SD certification training class thing that i did WITH him but the trainer there showed me hands on some of the training for that. but Robin is a lot different than Schism and he comes with me EVERYWHERE- to work, on the town, when i travel, he's even coming with me to africa, so he's going to be a very worldly beast of a dog. and he's very well tempered, doesnt fright or jump or bark at other dogs, and absolutely LOVES people- all people, especially new people, which is actually weird for a sheperd because usually german shepherds are very standoffish and need people to be almost sort of 'initiated' into their life for them to accept them as one of the pack persay. robin loves me and it by my side all day in and out, but thats not to say his personality is that of a 'one man dog' - he loves everybody, if he's off the leash and someone new comes around he'll like... CHARGE THEM barking like crazy and its funny when people dont know better and just see this giant german shepherd that looks like a wolf charging at them but then once he gets close to you he puts his ears down and waggles his little butt over to you and he HAS to get you a gift- he runs and picks up the first thing he sees on the ground and circles around and around you whining and whimpering until you pet him and take whatever is in his mouth that he's giving you. and then he just attack you with kisses. cutest greeting ever. sometimes i leave my house without him just so that i can come back in a a few minutes and get one of his cute little robin-gift greetings.
Robin and Loki should become friends ;D
thats all i have to say about that.... now go admire 50 million pictures of my goofball puppy.

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touch!

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my very cute wake up call ;D

Robin-puppy!Collapse )

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the sweetest puppy in the world.

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goodnight puppy.

/fishy
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Mar. 18th, 2008 @ 11:56 am (no subject)
theres nothing really worth doing. saying. or otherwise. i'm not thrilled with what ive become nd i dont want to listen to it anymore. but i'm heading out the the art store to pick up some paint. that i'll probably be doing that and listening to music for most of the day. maaybe a distraction, maybe a means to an end. ::shrug:: doesnt really much matter anyhow.
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Mar. 13th, 2008 @ 07:14 pm (no subject)

Nothing Sucks Like A Fish.

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I've Seen The Future, and It's Fish-Shaped.

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Moms Like You Choose Fish.

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No-One Does Chicken Like Fish.

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ha ha. some of these were amusing.

/fish
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Mar. 13th, 2008 @ 01:13 am and the piano sounds like a carnival! and the microphone smells like a beer. ......
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: billy joel- piano man
[and they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say "man, what are you doin' here?".....]


i dont usually do these silly meme things, but this one is open-ended enough to be interesting and probably worth it.


stolen from the lovely sara/gothhippiegrrl

Everyone has things they blog about. Everyone has things they don't blog about. Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask for anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, thoughts on yaoi, favorite type of underwear, graphic techniques, etc. Repost in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other.


play along with me, and i'll attempt to come up with something for you as well.

/fishy
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Mar. 4th, 2008 @ 03:25 am PHOTOPOST #2: where we buy and we sell and we sell all our crap to eachother...
i've always been pretty handy so recently i started building things to sell for extra cash. ive done mostly custom entertainment center/ tv unit type things, storage shelving, etc, but i've also done some chairs, benches, tables, and i just finished a padded rocking chair that i sewed up and made a pretty nifty cushion for it as well.
ive been making nearly a grand a piece on the entertainment centers and the last one i did i made exactly a grand but with all the effort it took to get it out of my garage and into someone elses house it was almost not worth the effort.

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..and all the apostles, they're sittin' in swings sayin' they'd sell of your soul for a set of new rings and those sandals with the style of the straps that cling best to the era....Collapse )

/fish
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Mar. 3rd, 2008 @ 04:17 am (no subject)
oh, whats the use?
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Feb. 27th, 2008 @ 05:01 pm human guitars
Current Music: modest mouse - tundra-desert
i feel like something inside of me is broken and instead of trying to fix it i'm just going to have fun smashing myself to pieces.

.fish
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